You know how you make a plan that seems set, and then bam… something happens, and everything changes? Here I am, not even out of California, and things have changed. Sigh.
Santa Barbara
My friend Tina and I had a wonderful five days exploring Santa Barbara and Carpenteria. It was casual and relaxing, just what I needed, and I hope she enjoyed it, too.
Tina headed south on the bus/train on April 1, and I headed north. Something was not right with me. I had been feeling off for about five days, just a little, and it was easy to ignore or put it aside.
Lavender Fields at Sunset
I gave up after spending a lovely night at Hambly Lavender Farm in the Central California Coastal area. I decided to see a doctor to find out what was happening physically.
I called a Roadtrek friend in Salinas, CA. You might remember my adventures with Woody the Cat. I have house-sat for Mandy, Woody, and Rocky, the dog, a few times over the past few years. I wanted someone to love me a little and listen to me. I did not want to be alone.
I am in Salinas through the weekend, at least. I am now on antibiotics for an infection, and I get to rest, relax, and enjoy everyone’s company. I also have a soft big bed in which to sleep.
I have had problems with infections this winter, and I thought they had resolved, but they have not yet. Hopefully, this will work, and I can continue north. If not, I will decide what I am doing and when, on the fly. Plans might be changing for the summer. Stay tuned.
Sleeping in the Lavender Fields
I have often said that my RV, EmmyLou, saved my life after Jim’s death. My first trip, less than a year after he died, was a lifesaver. Everyone was waiting to greet me with open arms. I was loved, pampered, and more.
Traveling, seeing amazing and unique places, and meeting interesting and delightful people have been an experience. Meeting people and becoming friends with them is definitely the part of this experience that saved me when I needed it most.
These people are not just Roadtrek friends; I have become friends with diverse people. I feel so honored to call them my friends. We travel together. I visit them in their homes, house-sit for them, we meet in the desert in the winter, along the Oregon Coast in the summer, kayak together, go to Mexico, and more. My life has become richer and fuller due to these friendships. I have been reading quotes recently about the need for people to find their tribe. My RV’ing buddies are definitely part of my tribe, and I am so honored to have each and everyone in my life. I treasure these Heartfelt friendships.
This is the latest update. Travel is temporarily on hold. I am resting and enjoying an extended visit with Mandy. It is good to catch up. I get to take Rocky for walks. It gets me out and keeps me active on these rainy days. Woody snuggles in the evening. What more could I ask for? Well, I could ask to be well. I am working on that.
Meanwhile, I am thankful for so much today. I am thankful for the Nurse Practitioner who was kind and helpful this morning. I am thankful for the good medical care in this country. I am thankful for my Tribe—you know who you are. On a cold, rainy, and hail-kind-of day, I am thankful for Mandy, who has taken me in, loved me, and given me a big, comfy bed to sleep in.
I have spent the whole winter, five months, in San Diego. This is an unusual event for me. Usually, I arrive in the fall and head for the desert in January.
This year, I changed it and chose to stay in “the City,” so I could be close by to help a good friend, Tina. Her husband and partner of over forty years died in early December. I have decided that even if it is at times difficult for me, I want to help those I care about, through the initial phases of grief. Grief is such a personal journey, and it can be a very lonely one as well. I don’t want those I know to tackle it alone.
It has been an interesting experience for me. I have confronted some long-standing issues of my own grieving process in helping to support Tina. I also recognize how far I have come. It has been a healing and growing experience, and I am so glad I stayed to offer support. We have developed a strong and hopefully lasting friendship.
I left my home by the bay in early March. I am housesitting for a friend who is traveling in Mexico. I have this beautiful, large home to enjoy. I was here about five years ago; at the previous stay, they had chickens, but not now. It feels like a retreat, and I am blessed.
I am getting ready to travel, and at the end of this month, I drive north to Washington State to visit friends before meeting my traveling peeps for the summer. Where am I going? I am going to Alaska. This is a trip I have wanted to do since I bought EmmyLou, my tiny home on wheels. I know things can change. Hopefully, this is the year.
I will meet up with two others and their canine companions in Canada, and together, we will loosely caravan to the forty-ninth state. When venturing into the wild country, having a few others with whom to travel feels good. I hope we will become friends along the way.
The van is getting the Mercedes once over so that the engine and all things Mercedes are in shape and ready to go. The next step will be a five-day stop in Santa Barbara, California, so EmmyLou can visit the RV doctor and get her and my house in order.
My friend Tina will be traveling with me to Santa Barbara. This trip will be about people in small doses, followed by much-needed time alone.
Alcan Highway
I meet my Alaska-bound traveling companions at Banff National Park, Alberta, Canada. Then, the adventure begins. Traveling the TransLabrador Highway last year has given me the confidence to try Alaska. My rig was in good shape, and she sailed through the week in the backcountry. This year will be less stressful as I will have people to fall back on most of the time. As I said, this will be a loose caravan. Nobody is tied to the other people. My kind of trip.
Alaska means so many things to me. Adventure, Wildlife, Friends (in Anchorage and Juneau), and more. I am ready to get into exploring mode.
After five months of stability, I am ready to put my foot on the pedal and find new places to explore and meet new people. Please come along for the adventure. It will be fun; my camera will be working overtime to capture this adventure.
In the winter of 2023, I decided to visit family and friends in my tiny home on wheels, EmmyLou. At the end of March, we packed it up and departed from near Santa Barbara, California, and began to meander east, stopping to visit friends, see places I had never seen before, and visit favorite places from past travels.
Adventure
An undertaking usually involves danger and unknown risks. The encountering of risk. An exciting or remarkable experience.
It began as a trip and became an adventure. I had plans, loose plans, but plans nonetheless. I was visiting my friends in Florida, my sisters and nieces, and other East Coast friends. I knew I was heading to the Canadian Maritimes, Nova Scotia, and Newfoundland before pointing the rig due west again.
When did it become an adventure? It became an adventure when the unexpected showed up, and my direction changed. It became an adventure when I left the rig for two weeks and departed to the Amazon with friends for an amazing journey on the rivers of Brazil.
The adventure continued when I changed plans on my way to Nova Scotia when an opportunity presented itself. I went to the north shore of the Gulf of St Lawrence in the Province of Quebec to photograph North Atlantic Puffins in a workshop with Christopher Dodds, a professional wildlife photographer. I did not expect to explore the national parks in New Brunswick on my way north. It was an amazing adventure finding myself in unknown lands.
Thanks to Christopher’s suggestion, I continued north and east on the TransLabrador Highway into remote lands for a week. Along the way, I saw so much and met nice people, locally and others like me, who were passing through. It was well worth the effort to decide to head into the unknown.
I spent a month on “The Rock” (Newfoundland), exploring all the byways and seeing many interesting things. The locals were always so kind and helpful. The traffic was never in a hurry, and people were courteous. One day I got stuck in soft rock and the first truck that came by stopped and helped me dig out of an unpleasant situation. I just never learn.
My favorite part of Newfoundland was all the free and amazing campsites everywhere I went. The beauty was profound. The birds were amazing, and I got to photograph round two of the Puffins in Elliston, NL.
My adventure continued, and I traveled again through the province of Quebec to the United States. I began to head west, meeting with family and more friends. I took time to explore caves in Ohio and Illinois before arriving to spend a week on The Great River Road on the Mississippi River.
As fall arrived, I knew bird migration was starting, and it was time to go in search of the Sandhill Cranes. First, I arrived at the Bosque del Apache in New Mexico. My most noted part of this three-day visit was the women I met, with whom I connected immediately. It is fun to meet independent, like-minded artists and photographers.
Following the Cranes, I moved southwest to the Whitewater Draw in southern Arizona. There were a few cranes, snow geese, and waterbirds when I arrived. After camping for two nights, I drove north to Wilcox, AZ, and met the cranes. As I was taking photos of other waterbirds, I heard the familiar cry, the cranes started to arrive. I left an hour later, as the abandoned lakes filled with the Sandhill Cranes. It was hard to leave. It is an amazing experience to sit in the midst of all this nature and become a part of it.
After visiting with friends in Tucson and kayaking with more friends on the Colorado River, I arrived back in southern California, where this all began. I have been editing a slideshow ever since. Today, I finally decided that I was done editing and ready to share some highlights of my wonderful adventure in North America.
The spring, summer and fall came to an end. I finished where I started. I saw so many amazing things, got to love my family and received theirs back. It was good to catch up. Along the way I met wonderful people who took me in or enjoyed nature with me. It was a great adventure.
Now I invite you to join me in my adventure. If you click on the video link above there is an eighteen minute video that only touches on the wonders I explored on the Great 2023 Roadtrip. Enjoy.
I have had some exciting experiences with mice and packrats in my rig. I have successfully live-trapped four of these little buggers over the years and released them into the wild, hopefully, to never be seen by me again.
I have been staying in San Diego this winter to help a friend of mine confront all the stuff that happens after the loss of a partner. Don left in early December. Tina and I have been slowly getting “things” done while forming a wonderful friendship.
A few days ago, Tina noticed some things happening in her garage. Bags of cat kibble were torn open. The latest one was the bag of catnip scattered on a shelf. And then we saw it: a large vermin, most likely a rat, was having a hay day in her garage. Mouselinni (named by Tina) was a brazen little bugger. It was busy whether she was home or not. It would scamper around the garage, exploring all the collecting bags as she cleaned out the other condo. It didn’t even care if Tina was in the garage. Brazen, I tell you.
I told Tina about my live traps. I have two of them, one small and one medium size. After a trip to my storage unit to pick up the traps, we were ready to live trap the bugger in her garage.
Success! We were cleaning and sorting this afternoon at her husband’s condo. Before she drove me back to EmmyLou, my home, we stopped by her house to see if the trap had gone off. Success! In the Medium-sized trap, there was Mouselinni. Anxious to be let out, anxious to be back in the garage creating havoc.
We had other plans. We went to the same canyon where my last catch, Ratty-pa-Tatty, the pack rat, was released. When I opened the trap, Mouselinni did not want to come out. How could he not like such a beautiful, lush outdoor area? I heard it saying, “I want to return to the garage”. He finally came out and disappeared into the plants. Tina and I celebrated the end of the adventure with this little rat.
Just in case the traps have been reset to make sure Mouselinni did not have any friends with him. Peanut butter works well for bait.
As some of you may know, I chose to extend my stay in San Diego this winter to help a friend through the initial stages of grief after the loss of her husband and love in early December.
From childhood to adulthood, we are taught about life. We go to school to learn how to succeed and become fully functioning adults in what is sometimes a crazy yet wonderful world. I was taught by parents, peers, teachers, the church, animals, and more. And succeed, I did.
This world does not teach us about fear, loss, and change. It doesn’t teach us about grief and its impact on the individual. When it appears in our lives, we must learn on the fly, struggling to stay upright and functioning while dealing with emotional blow after blow.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be death. It can appear in many guises: divorce, loss of a job, or a move to another area of the country away from family, friends, and support. Try the diagnosis of cancer. I have been there twice. It can be something catastrophic like 9/11 or a tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster. No one event, small or large, defines grief.
Losing a partner is grief like no other. Everything I expected for the rest of my life came to a halt. Where was Jim? He was supposed to be next to me until we got old. What was I supposed to do with my life now? How could I recreate myself again while I was dealing with such profound loss? And….where was Jim, someone who made me feel unique, worthy, beautiful, and so much more?
If we survive long enough, we all will meet up with grief and loss and the emotional storm it creates in each one of us.
Everyone handles grief differently, every single person. Grief is a personal journey. Some will tackle it by planning and proceeding like nothing has happened. Others need time to cry, feel sad, and separate from the rest of the world. Others will retreat inside, feeling safe in the memories and loss. And many of us are somewhere in the above mix.
Grief has been the most potent teacher I have ever had. It has woken me up and shut me down. How can that happen at the same time? I don’t know. It has allowed me to be in the moment, not see the future or the past. Being present in the moment is something I tried to achieve in my every day life, yet I never truly discovered it until the last days of Jim’s life and his death. All of it made me feel more alive than I have ever felt. How could that be when I was watching my Jim move through the last moments of his life? How could that be when I was going through some of the worst times of my life? I honestly don’t know.
How does one go about supporting others through grief? It is hard to tackle when we know little about the heart’s workings. We see our friends or family members struggling, which is sometimes hard to understand. Why doesn’t she want to go out with her friends? Why is she still crying? Why is she not able to get on with life? It has been three months, a year, or more. Why isn’t she back to “normal.” Why, why, why? There is no timeline, and there is no “normal.”
I struggle to figure out what normal is now. I am eleven years out from the loss of Jim, and mostly, I am doing fine, yet every once in a while, something triggers my grief, and it might as well have happened yesterday. Go figure.
I have read a lot about grief. I have listened to podcasts about grief. I can suggest this podcast, All There Is, by Anderson Cooper. I have written about grief. I am still learning about grief. This will continue until the day I decide to step on over.
Being here for my friend has been a good teacher for me. I believe all any of us can do is support each other in this wild world. How can we support someone grieving, especially in the first year?
Be patient and be kind.
Don’t expect the person grieving to reach out to you to thank you for cards or plan to get together. Grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to plan.
Know that the person in grief may tire easily. There is so much to do physically in those first months. Lawyers, banks, insurance, and all that business stuff. Each task, no matter how small, can be overwhelming. I found I had little to no emotional reserves. One or two tasks would wear me out, and I would return home to watch mindless television, nap, or stare at the wall.
Call and let the person dealing with grief talk. Who cares if you hear the same stories more than once. Your ears are helping the other person to heal and not feel alone.
Everyone is on board for the first few months and tries their best to stay in touch, and then it peters off. Four months, six months, or a year out, a person dealing with loss can feel overwhelmingly alone. So stay in touch. I put send a card or call a person reminders on my calendar. It reminds me to think of others. And I love to send cards. It also gives me moments to think of my friends and ensure I continue reaching out. After all, all we have is each other.
Even if they say no, invite them to events and things you would usually invite them to. Knowing that the real world is waiting for them to rejoin it is a good reminder in the midst of grieving.. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.
Sometimes, one-on-one time is better than a group, no matter how small. I still prefer small groups to large crowds. I have trained myself to enter larger groups now that I have been alone for so long.
Don’t expect the person to “talk about loss.” Sometimes, a person needs to go out for coffee or a walk on the beach and talk about the rest of the world. I enjoyed my friend Therese coming over with a Scrabble game and food and enjoying an afternoon on the back deck.
Know when enough is enough and take them home so they can nap.
Don’t be offended if your invitation is turned down. Know that that moment was not the right one. Internally, they appreciate your effort. And try again and again.
Continue to ask them what you can do for them and follow through. Always follow through.
This list could be longer, but I think you get the idea. The more you love someone in distress, the more you are inviting them to remember to come back out into the world when they are ready. Most importantly, it reminds them they are loved, worthy, and not alone.
Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity my friend has given me to learn, grow, and become more human. Today, I am thankful she doesn’t have to be alone in these first months. Today, I am thankful for growing a friendship that I hope will continue for a long time to come. Today, I am thankful that grief has been a teacher of mine, even if I don’t want it to be present in my life.
Have you ever had one of those weeks? I have no doubt that the answer is yes. We all have had those weeks. Some are good, exciting, and excellent. Other weeks make me question what the heck is going on.
A week ago, I had a “what the heck is going on?” kind of week. I woke up on Friday and thought I didn’t feel one hundred percent. I tested myself for COVID-19 and laid low for the day.
The next morning I felt better, and then I did not. Another COVID-19 test was negative, so I masked up and joined friends at a matinee on Saturday afternoon. I, who love dance, nodded twice during the performance. How did that happen? After the performance, I returned home and laid low for the rest of the day.
So far, so good, Right? My right nostril was sore by Sunday afternoon and felt like a developing pimple. I am 71!!!! Years old, Pimple Season is over, Right!?!
Despite warm soaks and over-the-counter painkillers, over the next few days, my nose became sore, swollen, red, and hurt a lot. By mid-week, I decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. The doctor told me it was a good thing I decided to come in. I was diagnosed with a staph infection in my nostril. The next thing I knew, I was on an oral antibiotic, a topical antibiotic, and lidocaine to stop the pain. My nose ballooned up and altered in many shades of red over the next few days.
In the middle of all this, I lost a filling and had to visit the dentist for a new one. Really?
Forward to Friday and a return trip to the Doctor. By the end of that visit, another antibiotic and a weaning dose of prednisone were added to my repertoire of medicines. I am so thankful for the prednisone, which helped relieve the pain and decrease the swelling.
Finally, by Saturday, I was feeling better. My nose was decreasing in size, the pain was receding, and I felt a bit more socially presentable.
On Sunday, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and head to the Colorado River to meet good friends and get some paddling time.
And, just like that, my odd and weird week was behind me. I finished the antibiotics and the prednisone and am now getting my digestive system back in order.
Here are so many takeaways from last week.
And, just like that, life can change direction.
Staph infections are a serious business. Years back, when I was still working as a nurse, people were admitted to the hospital for this, and some were very sick. Don’t Mess With Staph!
I need to be my own advocate for health care. I am such a strong believer in this. With knowledge comes power. I believe I did a pretty good job.
Listen to my body.
My body took more of a hit than I realized. It took me a few days to realize I needed to honor a body in recovery. Take naps, eat and drink well, and stay put. Small walks, not big ones.
I miss having someone to care for me when I feel unwell. My little girl wanted to be tucked into bed and given comfort foods. Instead, I had to do that myself. Pasta is a great comfort food.
I am thankful for having a small, dry, warm home to snuggle into.
I felt like a walking petri dish. I kept telling people they needed to wash their hands everywhere I went. The doctors were told. The dentist was told. Wash Your Hands!!!! I know I was preaching to the choir.
I am so thankful for the healthcare system in this country. I am thankful for the doctors who were kind and compassionate to my situation. I am thankful for their knowledge and willingness to share it with me. I am thankful for medications that work. I am thankful they told me more than once that I did not have cancer (always a remote lingering thought in my mind). The dentist had to reaffirm the same thing. Anytime anything above the neck happens, I worry and fuss. Sigh.
I am thankful for my health and body’s innate need to heal. It is a pretty magical thing, this body I inhabit.
Today I am thankful for the healing effects of kayaking on any body of water and visiting with friends.
Oooh, I know it has been too long since my last post when friends started to email or phone me to find out how I am doing. It makes me feel like I have not been faithful to updates and adventures.
I am still in San Diego. I am camped by Mission Bay and enjoying my mornings outside or inside my Roadtrek, EmmyLou. I also bike and kayak a little and visit friends. Each year, I arrive in November to have my medical and dental done, visit friends, and enjoy the days as it becomes colder and snowier in other parts of the United States.
First Update: So far, all my medical is looking good, and I am ready for another year. I am almost complete for another year. I am still waiting on the dental part of this picture. I have become very good at helping my dentist and others in his office enjoy their lifestyle. Come February, I will know if I have the all-clear with the dental part of this. Sigh.
Second Update: I have a favorite saying, first found on Ram Dass’s website; “We’re just walking each other home.” This year I have decided to remain in San Diego longer than usual. A friend of mine’s husband died in early December. She has very good friends and support within the local community. She has turned to me for support and companionship. I have something that many have not yet experienced: the loss of my heart, my husband Jim, who died over eleven years ago.
I consciously decided to stay around for a while to see her get back on her feet and face the world in this weird new role she has found herself in. Grief and loss is hard. Some days, it slaps one in the face, and others are softer and gentler.
But loss does not stop the world. I had so much to do that first year after Jim’s death. Lawyers, accountants, Social Security, Financial institutions, work, finding homes for his “stuff” and treasures, and more. I wish I had had someone to help me navigate all of this. My sister and a friend, Helen, arrived shortly after Jim’s death, which was very helpful. Once they left, I was on my own.
Diversion is helpful, and I think I am providing my friend with some helpful diversion and a shoulder to lean on. We talk, drink wine, and find things to do locally. Sometimes, crying is involved; other times, we laugh and talk. We share a love of books. Grief is not always about being sad. It encompasses the whole gambit of emotions. I am still learning to embrace all of them. 
This is what friendship is about. I also think that I am healing myself in this choice I have made.
Third Update: Christmas was quiet this year. I house-sat for my good friends, with whom I spent the first COVID year. They were out of town, and I had a real house. They have the best couch. It is one of my favorite pieces of furniture in the house. It sucks you right in and is so comfortable.
My good friend Pat and her family had me over for Christmas Day. It was a day of relaxation and the joy of being included. Sometimes I get tired of my own company, then it is good to have friends come to the rescue.
Pat, Tessa & Elepjhants
Fourth Update: A good friend from San Juan Island in Washington arrived a week ago in Long Beach, California. We decided to connect as it has been over a year since we have seen each other. For two wonderful days, we camped north of Laguna Beach in one of my favorite State Parks in southern California, Crystal Cove State Park. We walked the beach at an extremely low tide and talked. It was a good getaway, and catching up was so much fun. She owns a Roadtrek too.
Darn She Found Us Again!
Fifth Update: I am back at the park by the bay after caring for two kitties for a few days. I wish I could say that the kitties were fun and that they hung out with me, but I spent my two days lying on the floor, talking to them while they hid from me and giving them skritches when they would allow it. CATS!!!!!
People ask me what I am doing next. Honestly, I don’t know! Plans formulate slowly for me. I have a hard time planning most of my life. I am such a procrastinator. I know I will be heading for the desert soon, at least for a few days. Friends are arriving, and I must go visit. And the desert is so beautiful at this time of the year.
Until then, I am biking and kayaking, enjoying the bay and my friends. Today, I discovered that on Fridays, a group of people gather in the recreation hall and play music. Today there are at least fifteen. And…it is my kind of music. I could contradance to it. Sweet.
Today I am thankful for friendship and growth. Today I am thankful for Procrastination. Today I am Thankful.
In 2006, Jim (my husband) and I bought a 150 cc Kymco Motor Scooter. Construction occurred at the college where he worked, and employees were asked to park off campus. If one had a motorcycle or scooter, they could continue to park at the college. And so we invested in this delightful little gray motorscooter.
K2 Kitty Resting
We took the motorcycle safety course, updated our licenses, and just like that, we had a new vehicle in the family. It was fun to ride. Even the cats enjoyed it, as long as it was parked.
Traveling in San Diego, a big city on the Southwest border of the United States, became an adventure. We never took it on the freeway, worried about cars, trucks, and the drivers. It was mostly used locally in Santee, where we lived. Every once in a while, I would take it on longer trips into areas of the city for dental or doctor appointments. I would have to allow double the time to get to my destination as I planned how to get from point A to point B without getting on the freeway. Taking the backroads gave me the opportunity to explore new areas of this big city.
Jim on our new Scooter
After Jim’s death, I kept the scooter. I really liked riding it. When traveling, it would reside in my storage unit, hooked up to a trickle charger, and wait for my return. It gave me another way to navigate the city. I could safely leave my rig at the campground and head out on the scooter. It was definitely easier to park.
Last year I had an accident on it. I hurt my leg, which healed in no time. I became cautious about the scooter and a little hesitant to ride it. I began to think of selling it. Last year, on my return to San Diego, I thought about selling it but was not ready.
Even after all these years, I still have an emotional attachment to things I shared with Jim. And so it is with the scooter.
I decided to try again this year, and I succeeded. I advertised it on OfferUp, and surprisingly, there was a lot of interest. I met Alonso, who was willing to work with me to buy the scooter. A week ago, he came to my storage unit, looked at the scooter, and took it for a ride.
I knew instantly this was the person to become the new owner of this sweet gray scooter. We talked. He wanted to do the whole transfer process legitimately. Finally, we closed the deal. This past Saturday, Alonso and I met at the DMV office at AAA of Southern California. It was a wait of about two hours. With everything complete, it was time to bid farewell to the scooter.
Alonso and His New Scooter
Almost everything that was part of “our” life has been rehomed. Each item has a story to tell about the item, about Jim and me. Each time I meet someone who has bought an item, it becomes a new story. And so it is with Alonso and the scooter.
Alonso was excited to have a Kymco scooter. He used to own one and was excited to find another one. I was excited because he appeared genuine in his interest.
When Alonso departed, he had full motorcycle gear on. That also made me happy. It is a tough world out there on the streets of San Diego when you are on a motorcycle or scooter. He texted me when he arrived home. Yay.
Although a bit wistful, my heart feels joy, knowing that this scooter’s life will go on with a good and true new owner.
Today, I am thankful for all the years Jim and I had this scooter in our lives. Today I am thankful for Alonso who is the proud new owner of a much loved scooter.
“There is nothing more essential to our health and well-being than breathing: take air in, let it out, repeat 25,000 times a day. “
Breathe
To inhale and exhale air:breathe deeply now; to be alive; to whisper:Don’t breathe a word of this to your mother.
To be alive; live: A nicer person has never breathed.
To pause to rest or regain breath: Give me a moment to breathe.
Breathe Easily/Easy/Freely
To be relaxed or relieved, especially after a period of tension.
Every fall, I arrive back in San Diego to visit my friends, enjoy a warm early winter, and get all my medical appointments and dental work done for the year. It is a mix of joy, seeing friends I haven’t seen since last year and getting all my appointments lined up.
This is a Hold My Breath Time of Year.
I have had cancer twice. Twelve years ago, I had breast cancer, a rare (not always a welcome word) form of cancer. After a lumpectomy and treatment with radiation, I was finished treatment. That was followed by a five-year treatment plan, taking a pill every day. Suppression is key. Although I was never told I was cancer-free, I have had “no evidence of disease” now for eleven years.
In 2019, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had surgery to remove my thyroid and then received treatment with radioactive iodine. Thyroxine is taking over the function of the thyroid in a dose to suppress any thyroid tissue growth.
And then there is the dentist. I don’t have the best teeth and gums in the world. It is somewhat hereditary. If I ever go to the dentist and get good news, I become suspicious that something was overlooked. Sigh.
Every year, when the appointments begin, I metaphorically “hold my breath.” I wait for the tests and the results to come pouring in.
Two weeks ago, I had my thyroid labs done and had a visit with the endocrinologist. Everything looks good. I let out my breath a little.
Today, my annual mammogram was done. A little more breath was released. Now I wait. Each day without a phone call means that my mammogram is normal. Each day, I exhale a bit more and inhale more deeply. The final exhale will arrive when I read the results of the mammogram and am told I am good for another year.
Then there is the dentist. Oh my, the dentist. I am not free and clear here. Surgery is looming this winter. Sigh. After two deep cleanings, I need to wait for a month and a half to see how this treatment worked. I don’t hold my breath for the dentist. I am used to bad news from this quarter. I also know that the treatments are not life-threatening. Bad diagnoses are normal, and when I am given good news, I don’t know that I trust the results. Once the news, bad or good, is given, a little more release of breath occurs.
Finally, I return to breathing normally, whatever that means. I can release and let go for another year. My anxiety settles, and I can resume breathing in and out, fully and deeply.
Breath is to yoga what water is to a fish: essential for movement and life force. Consider this Sanskrit proverb: “For breath is life, and if you breathe well, you will live long on earth.”
Taking five minutes out of my day to practice yogic breathing helps to decrease my stress and anxiety while waiting for appointments and test results. As each year passes, it becomes easier for me to remember to breathe and relax most of the time. The further I get from the C word, the easier it is to find calm in chaos.
Today, I am thankful for being in a country with good medicine and good people working in the medical field. Their warm greetings help allay my free-floating anxiety.
Today, I am thankful for all the years of yogic practice that have given me the simple and valuable tool of breath.
“A bushy-tailed rodent (Neotoma cinerea) of western North America that has well-developed cheek pouches and that hoards food and miscellaneous objects.”
“The earliest record of packrats occurs in the late Miocene period; Packrats are an example of what we call “Pleistocene survivors,” which means that they are still alive today.””
Last week, I was in Carpenteria, California, having some work done on my rig. Carpenteria is close to Santa Barbara on the west coast. The town is quirky and beachy, with some fine restaurants and coffee houses.
One of the best camping spots is Carpenteria State Beach Campground. It sits right on the Pacific Ocean. Low tides are wonderful opportunities to stroll the beach, and the sunsets are amazing. It is so calming camping right next to the ocean. I decided to spend an extra night. I had a campsite on the low cliff looking out over the ocean. It was an amazing spot to fall asleep and wake up listening to the sound of the surf.
On my last night, I was sitting in my front seat, which swivels to face the back. It is my living room. The side door was open, and the evening was pleasant until…Wait, I felt something brush my leg. I sat up to look down and darn if a packrat didn’t run up my foot. Being the girly girl that I am (NOT!!), I screamed, and the little critter went running down the aisle of my rig and disappeared. Oh, what have I done? Where did he go? Oh no!
Thus began the saga of Janet trying to outsmart a very smart little animal. I bought a small trap with some doubt it would work. I thought this animal was too big, but all the information I read told me it would work. I baited the traps, 3 of them, with peanut butter. Around midnight, I heard this dear ratty dragging one of the traps around the front floor of my vehicle. Well, that didn’t work. Today I cannot find one of these traps. I don’t know where it has gone. I don’t think it would be able to drag it into a small space.
The next morning, I found some fuzz on the floor in front of the driver’s seat. It had been pulling bits off my sheepskin seat covers. Well, that wouldn’t do. I began to prepare my van like I was going to war. What did I do?
Everything was put away, and all the floors were swept and cleaned.
I put covers over the front seats.
All food was put away. I moved the foodstuff around, so only sealed containers were in the one cabinet with a hole for access in the top.
I put steel wool in the hole as a deterrent.
Nothing was left on the counters.
My yarns for crocheting were put in a secure place.
The garbage can was in the bathroom at night; he could not access this room.
I started my day cleaning and ended my day doing the exact same thing.
I cleaned and organized. My rig has not looked this clean and welcoming in a long time. After all, I live alone, and if I want to be a bit messy, I can.
The next stop was the hardware store to buy a HaveaHart trap. I wanted to catch this rat and give it a new home. I bought the X-Small one and baited it. On night two, he waited until three a.m. to descend from the walls of my rig. I heard him chewing on something. Well, that is not good!
In the morning, I discovered he had successfully eaten the bait without triggering the trap and had torn the side of a basket container apart. Oh no, I didn’t want it making a nest and setting up house. Another trip to the hardware store was in order. I needed the next size larger trap. And just to be on the safe side, I bought a snap trap to kill it if the live trapping idea did not work.
Yesterday afternoon, I set both traps and left for a party. I knew if I stayed at the rig, I would sit there and be obsessed about the possible damage it was doing somewhere in my rig.
I returned around 8:30 p.m., thinking it would not be in the trap yet as he usually did not appear until the wee hours of the morning. After turning on the lights, I immediately checked the larger trap, and there he was. A big one. No wonder I screamed when it ran up my foot.
Ratty waiting to be Released
It is important to release a trapped animal a distance from where it was caught. At nine pm, I found myself driving the pack rat about five miles away to a canyon. It was a perfect place for this rat. It was perfect because it was far away from my rig. I said farewell and left in a hurry so it wouldn’t find its way back to my rig.
When I arrived back at the campsite, I spent an hour cleaning, sanitizing, and getting my rig back in order.
I had not realized how absorbed I had gotten in tracking this critter down. I worried and fussed and could feel the stress. The fact that I was not getting a good night’s sleep did not help. After I cleaned and sanitized, I felt such relief. The air in my rig felt clearer, and I relaxed and let go. After four days of tracking this little one down, it was such a relief to let the whole experience go and have my home back.
Ratty, the Pack Rat, is back in a natural environment, and I have gotten a few good nights’ sleep. Things are looking up.
Today, I am thankful that I was able to get Ratty back into a natural environment without killing it. Today, I am thankful that I can look at a situation and figure out solutions. Today, I am thankful that I remember to breathe. Today, I am thankful that the air smells sweeter and feels lighter.
Journeys of Thankfulness 